Funny Quotes
Here's where you can find some Funny thoughts to soothe your soul. These meaningful quotes will touch, inspire and move you. Have a great time picking a special quote from the list below!
Short Funny Quotes
Top 100 Funny Quotes
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Just going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in your garage makes you a car.
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Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
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Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant, and she fell on me. Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny.
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Everyone should be able to do one card trick, tell two jokes, and recite three poems, in case they are ever trapped in an elevator.
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Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy.
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It's not true that I had nothing on. I had the radio on.
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I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it.
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If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?
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I came from a real tough neighborhood. In the library the sign says 'shut the fuck up!
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If you were half as funny as you think you are, you'd be twice as funny as you are now.
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A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
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When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.
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Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
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I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
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To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kinda scary. I've wondered where this started, and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus and a clown killed my dad.
Recommendations
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